Chapter 48 Self-Realization ...dear diary

Today 7/7/2024

Let me start off by saying I am not going to re-write this... and I am watching The Craft on Max.

I don't know what self- realization means even though that's the title I gave this and by re-writing I mean these typos that are forthcoming I am not going to correct them it's just a part of who I am, imperfect... having the urge to write but not the urge to read what I've written.

What I am beginning to write is directly from my written journal although I can't commit to that because I know my brain will wonder and my fingers will add in some more words...

I was reading Women Who Run with the Wolves today too... I love myths.

Because what is really real?? Your truth, my truth, the truth... beliefs I had last week I don't have today but at each point in time they were my truth but what was the truth?

I was reading Proverbs 6 today because I am behind in my daily reading (one Proverb per day) and I wrote down Trapped by your words

Words are so powerful. I wrote to my husband today this morning and I felt how powerful words are and how the world is designed to keep us slaves

I pray my words heal my generation and those following

again excerpts from my handwritten journal

I pray our work - how we earn income to survive how we want to survive - is something we have a passion for... something we were designed, born to do!

I hear "this stuff"

I still don't like that term... I hear it a lot I don't know if I've ever said that aloud because what is this stuff...

The snake man tells her about his dream

The other man says come back to Jesus

as she's running from the occult shop

The snake man gets hits by a yellow car

I wrote in my journal about winking as mentioned in Proverbs I wrote 12 but it must be vs. 12.

Winking is devious... this makes me think I don't ever want to talk to a person that winks. Creepy!

God is within her, she will not fail.

Remember... her is wisdom. According to Proverbs.

Aren't we raised that this verse is referring to female - we use it as a motto.

Her is wisdom. I am her.

I pray for wisdom very single day of my life.

Psalms 84 talks about the courts of the Lord

7/7/2024 7:11pm EST I caught the time because I was going to the bible app to read the KJVAAE

Psalm 84

Longing for God's House

to the chief Musician upon Git'tith

A Psalm for the sons of Korah

How amiable are thy tabernacles, O LORD of hosts!

hosts

My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the Lord:

my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.

heart and flesh

Courts and host? Who is the Lord hosting? Who is on his council?

Yea, the sparrow hath found a house

3-4 the Psalm I read on behalf of my sister who's moving tomorrow

Selah.

Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them. Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools. They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.

I can't quite say why but I am think of the Two of Cups card, keep reading just go with it... if you don't believe in it then it can't harm you? Right? Help me understand the hatred towards tarot...

Well. Pools. Strength to Strength.

When you well runs dry I can give you some water from my pool.

Strength to Strength.

It's not necessarily equal because we've been taught wells run dry and that the pool is drained

We have to make sure the other person isn't drained...

Balance.

7:22pm

Here is why my mind gets going you see I've been ventured from my handwritten journal a long time ago - Psalm 84 vs 8-9 says

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer: give ear, O God of Jacob.

Behold, O God our shield, and look upon the face of thing anointed.

The bible will forever confuse me... what's a metaphor what's real?????

Virgin Mary, dragons, talking serpents (but a tarot cards are bad)

host, are there more than one god? gods and goddesses

when it talks about counsel who are the board members?

The Craft... I see butterflies, she said "he's listening to us"

How do we know when God is talking to us? What does he sound like? Is he a she?

I just know I talk to God, but I wonder about that gods and goddesses, the Archangels. Archangles are mentioned in the bible... are they on the council? Is it just them?

The Craft... Bonnie was invisible, now she felt seen.... the beginning, destiny swapping

I don't know what made me write destiny swapping now I'm vested in my own self lol

back to the journal

Psalms 91 says he sends his angels

Am I overthinking? No, I'm just confused.

What did my ancestors believe?

1976 the year of the dragon

nationalities have their beliefs

We have the bible, the king james bible.

I feel like at times we forget these are stories written by people then translated by other people, not direct verbiage from God, the Creator. This is why I want to talk directly to God for myself... not have a 3rd person translate to me

1. original writers

2. interpreters (king james)

3. religion

The Craft is hardcore. I guess everything does come with a cost. I mean, some of us even buy love. The one thing we know is supposed to be free.

I cannot believe these spells... I guess I can, but wow... can we get some equilibrium. There is always room for any spell to go wrong, my conclusion... words are spell, what you say, what you want to manifest, a spell....

She said "true magic is neither black or white it's both because nature is both loving and cruel all at the same time... it's in the heart of the witch"

whatever you send out you get that times three

do unto others as you would have them do unto you

One day my grandchildren will read this and will teach their children, children, children, children

195 children on and on

If the bible is universal why does so many religions exist?

123

back to the journal

What is the truth? What is my truth? Is it the truth I make up today?

What are my ancestors truth?

What did they believe who did they pray to who did they pray for ...I wonder, was I ever included

I pray for generations forevermore.

I wrote this in my journal at 6:17pm (always one and sevens with me)

I got up from reading Women Who Run With The Wolves to

The dead animals is where the craft goes wrong, cause WTF

it made me think of the dead bird, I was so sad damn Mabel

nice to narcissistic

I see it's all too much, warning.

She tried to tell them it's all coming back to you, but worse.

I repent of my sins. Father forgive me, I truly do repent of my sins. With each day I do better than I did the day before. I ask for grace, mercy, wisdom and knowledge. Show me what I need to do...

Lord how do you want me to serve you?

How do you serve the Lord?

Serve means to perform duties, present to someone, deliver, be of use in achieving, hit, bind, operate

Okay back to my journal - I don't know where I left of so here we go I put Archangel Michael on the windowsill and I put the fairy in the fairy garden. I laid her on the fairy whos' wings had broken in the winter.

Did they break because it was Michigan with below 0 temperatures even though it was covered or was it a sign? or just nature?

I keep hearing the word schizophrenia (faulty perception)

Oh my back to the craft, she was jealous

the spirit of jealous... whew

she goes on to say you don't even exist to me but she was truly just hurt

the source of jealous, hurt

How does one heal the source?

The Craft, a binding spell for protection.

I wonder what is the purpose of a groundhog? My friend told me possums keeps the ticks away. What does a groundhog do?

Why did Animal Kingdom get it's name?

What led them to my house? What let me to fed the birds? What led me to tarot?

Feeding the birds is not a sin and neither is tarot I write (this is directly from my journal) but what I intended to write was they say tarot is a sin but I was led to both it spoke first I didn't ask it told me too and I did it I've always led my life as a child of God so this can't be demonic even though the would USA teaches us it is

again I think of other cultures and their practices

if this way to God the Creator was THE only way wouldn't it be Universal to the point where other cultures would be "forcing" it as LAWS too? I do not know if this makes sens the point is if I've never worshipped the devil before how can you tell me that tarot is bad?

MENTAL PICTURES were

all my ancestors had to communicate with and I don't mean with the dead but with each other. We were not using cameras to take pictures when our families were being torn apart we were just using our minds. Holding on to whatever memory we had. I can't imagine when I am separated from my son now I pray for his protection. If the slave master were splitting families up I know every single one of these mothers played that memory over and over it's time to create new memories not manifesting trauma because the mothers (6:36pm when I wrote this) were meditating - focus one mine on that moment - the moment her family was torn apart.

day by day years by years

generations by generations

Break these chains!

The visuals are important.

ask any musical entertainer

The visuals in our mind.

When I pick of that deck I do it in honor of my ancestors. I see what they see now what is to come but what is to be seen.

Disney, I think, Madamn Web

The boss died

when she tired to for warn him with her vision

free will

he didn't listen and he died

Later he came to her windowsill as a pigeon

I wonder what a pigeon symbolizes. It's not in my deck. (thought in my head unwritten)

(back to the journal) free will

take heed of the warnings

the words your are told

the body language

the symbols being said

Action is based on

What you heard

vs What you hear

The movie do you hear the voice of your mother

you can defeat those you challenge you but

"surrender yourself to the higher power"

Balance.

My soul whispers you'll hear spirit...

Three times worse...

she took her hair... she lost hers

it was on her back hidden... now it's on her face

I won't categorize myself - I do what resonates, what I don't think twice about and just act, what feels natural... that I know is of God because I'm not leaning on my own understanding. I'm not even thinking, analyzing, I'm simply acting. Every single day I ask for wisdom. This is his will for my life. This is when my path is straight, when I follow him.

The Craft, a struggle between light and dark. ...and when light shows their dark beware.

dark delivered from a place of protection is different

The shadow.

The shadow work.

The shadow never leaves, but it's not always there.

Shine.

The mirror breaks and a new Chapter begins

Tarot of the evening it's 8:30pm

Feels manipulated led astray but golden opportunities are on their way.

Shit is falling apart. It's just all off balance. My money is off. Moodiness is in the air. Disappointments. A lot of manipulated, talent being wasted could be used for good but it's being hidden. It's a possible twin flame, the twin flame makes you feel a burning sensation but in "a good way" it's like you know it's bad but you keep doing it repeatedly. You may feel powerless. It's like you want to get out of it but you can't. Until you try. The hermit. Alone. Meditation. Whatever you are focusing on it what sticks what grows... you don't make millions but TikTok does because you're focused on it every single day. Low confidence. Comparison. Self-doubt. A lot of us were taught, conditioned to believe certain things were out of our reach. Why can't it happen to us? For us? History does repeat itself. This is why we, okay this is why I pray. I want to make sure I and my loved ones are covered at all times. When we fall low I pray for our hidden strength to step up. I pray we always make good decisions, with hour head above - because if heavens is in the clouds there is where I want to look for my blessing to flow. Stay hopeful. Optimistic. Beware of being superficial. Delays are not always denials. Stability is on it's way.

My left hand is itching.

I don't know if this is the give or receive hand, it doesn't matter. I pray for grace, mercy, wisdom, knowledge, love, health and wealth as I approach this next chapter in my life.

I stand firm in my unwavering faith. I understand the stillness, the time to reflect. When there is stillness clarity is found. Snowflakes. Ice. Unique. It is reflective. It looks back at you.

Maybe you can't break the ice, you're being led astray. Then follow the path that is best for you...

you just might be in your season of learning a lesson

but if what you are doing doesn't feel good

then you are not aligned with your true values

it's time to embrace new opportunities

It's clear skies.

The card read "you are lucky" but it was a lion with red eyes in the cage. The lion looked like it had been beaten. There was a man, bald headed with a blue and white hospital gown on with one of those thingy... the fluid thingy on the pole things he was in front of the lions den turned to the right or maybe it's the left but the fluid is red, is this blood? I noticed a red patch on his arm. There is someone next to him with a pink shirt on looking up with hands open almost in fear but under those I eyes I see hope, I can tell there been some struggle in life based on the distressed shirt and jeans.

if you are lucky

you are free

"don't turn back!"

The sun is on the horizon.

I pick up my tarot deck and cards fall out but I realize I haven't asked a question yet and for me I don't want to get confused - this is my way

I ask my question

I get the same 5 cards as before

I pause and say I'll be damn how does this happen

I pause some more, you see I am always so anxious in wanting to know what's next

I realize that is part of my problem, stay in the now because now is all you have and sometimes it's okay to rest but fine line between rest and lazy

be careful

I have things to do therefore I have been lazy

Temperance is turned sideways

I think, ok I am on the right back and what I'm thinking what I asked was confirmation by me getting the same cards and just like any other time I'll be led to do what I need to do and I'll simply act

Retrain yourself that you always need to be in go mode

It's ok to rest, rest is not lazy

and truth is at times it's good to be lazy we don't need to be there for everybody or anybody just ourself

knowing balance rest and lazy

The temperance card says balance, imbalance, peace, excess, patience, extremes, moderations, discord, calm, recklessness, tranquility, hastiness, harmony, serenity

actually it's discord recklessness, no separation

5 to 8

You can't fail to delegate. You don't have to do everything, too much responsibility will cause a breakdown.

Walk into your abundance, it's your birthright.

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9:19pm EST

919

I'm afraid put I hit publish