Chapter 48 The Setting ...dear diary

Today 7/13/2024

3:45pm

I said 345678 the trend that is on TikTok then I start thinking about trends and thought maybe this is a blogging moment. It's Saturday, my day of rest but when I tell ya'll I've already been in my bible and written dozens of love letters and prayers... I think I've met my commitments for today.

So we're here in the now...

I believe I was sheltered as a child, which means protected and as much as I despised that for myself I am very much that woman today - a protector of people, places, and things I love.

I remember that trend well I can remember doing it and kinda the music that went with it but it's vague

I remember being excited I was going to be around something I never had

a cousin group

I remember being anxious because I was going to be around something I never had

a cousin group

already naturally awkward and never truly understanding why

hearing my mother say "you're my special child" and while I knew much sarcasm came with it

I knew it was true in both ways

good and bad

I am special

she meant exactly what she said

whether a noun or adjective

Tikisha is special

I don't want to be alone

I am watching The Big Door Prize

all in his head

He said he gets an itchy rash on his head when something is bothering him and that the other day he couldn't find his Stetson but when the Stetson appeared his rash cleared up

he had it all along the ability to control his rash

He scored ...but he turned around to see who sees him, let's learn to be so happy that we don't care who's watching all while knowing those who we need in our lives will be right there, when he turned around just who he needed was right there

it was like magic but it was only meant for that particular moment, not a lifetime

Butterflies ...they only live for a few weeks but they make the best of it

he shot his shot he scored but no one was there but him, a 1 player game

lips that lie (he was stood up by the repairman, were there mixed signals?)

I don't have friends

I don't date

I'd like to be a part of something

Debt Paid. ...but it's going to be a no for me dawg

What you deserve, no extra... balance.

jealous of friends for over 30 years

do not speak ill of the dead

I repent. I am free.

I'm free. We don't stand in the queue.

I'm on Season 2 of this show by the way there won't be a season 3.

Grounding in the basement. Pushed myself to look at myself differently.

...now I'm out of the basement

Who are you?

Breaking News.

Full Moon.

Stars. ...when we gaze up we are looking into history.

The voice that sounds like god

A dominant. ...the watches, a collar, loyalty

He has his ways, we all see them but he's such good people.

What are ways? Who decides what a person's ways are? Why are ways negative?

I am courageous ...not just a survivor, but a warrior

facing my fears one day at a time

Who doesn't show up doesn't matter, I am showing up for myself even when I'm afraid

fear is knowledge

I learn through doing things that I am afraid of

I push myself to help myself

How can I be over my limit when I'm the only one that knows my limit?

I am the only one that knows my limit.

Crushed by debt. Unworthy.

his vision... he only knows how to move fast

only your can determine the meanings

everyone has to move at their own pace

the only thing holding you back is you

She never wanted to be like her parents.

Her parents begin the life she said she wanted.

She sees it and now she's brokenhearted.

Gamble.

It's the deal you make at the time - they can either accept the new deal or move on

but either way, it's the deal

if you really want to be with someone you both have to be willing to roll with the changes and trust you'll make it out on the other side

My deal is love. It doesn't matter who it's with as long as it's the man of my dreams.

I'm not selling my soul for him - the lady in the show just said she would

words hidden in plain sight

You don't believe in signs and synchronicities but you believe in red flags

those events, the red flags are the signs and synchronicities the warnings of do not do this again

it's more than having discernment, it's learning to use discernment along with wisdom

the stuff you admire why do you admire that, what is the feeling that you are getting

what can you do to give yourself that feeling without including what it was/is you admired in the first place

I wonder why she always does that with her father vs I love she always does that with her father

hidden trauma and I'm not going dark here just surface level

does the mother have an evil spirit so the father volunteers

is the mother exhausted from not being heard, having no support that she's so exhausted it appears that she's just given up

just think it's like 100 million+ scenarios

fighting to be who you are while fighting to be who you want to me

it's about me not them

17. Red.

I hear I think your friend has a problem

we all have those voices that tell us not to fuck up

I am being myself, who I am learns.

placing blame when there is no one to blame, moments in time when all we have is present

5:17pm

Would it change anything if you didn't know what happened?

Pause

It just wasn't meant to be. I wasn't meant to know. I wasn't meant to wonder.

I was meant to keep going.

And then a revelation. Prophecy.

But then I ask myself - to keep going for what I want to happen or to keep going for what didn't happen when it seemed like in that particular moment the chance it could have happened but it didn't happen is it not meant to be or what if what you thought happened never happened and was never meant to be? What is destiny? Is it the same from birth? Is everything always aligned?

Do you awaken into alignment?

Are the dots the amount of tries to get to alignment?

What are those damn blue dots in this movie?

How do you proceed?

4:44pm

Awakening and all his dots disappeared.

I've been blaming myself for something that wasn't my fault.

I am a different person. I mean I'm the same, I just see myself differently. I love myself more.

911

He said, Maybe I can be your new emergency contact? Yes, sir. Yes, you can.

You can pretend to be whoever you want... I start thinking about the internet. Social Media. Where we set new trends. Where we pretend to be whoever we want. Where we show who we really are without pretending and those that know us think we are pretending but truth is... it's the one's that know us that don't know us at all. For some it's the first time ever to feel free.

Comfortable.

I keep asking myself what do I think now?

Magic. Oracle. Urim Thummim.

What is the next stage?

He has to create balance.

You create your scenario

You may have to learn how to use them, but the tools are always in your toolbox.

Be creative. Placement. Friends. he realized he was paying for friendship when all he needed was courage to do whatever he needed in that moment because it's in that moment when you create a new scenario. choose wisely. wisdom. discernment.

be direct. directions bring clarity. ...you can see where you're going

the crossroads

oil and vinegar, co-dependent and unfulfilled, dressing, distinct flavors

tastebuds. dressing. extra dressing. extra dressing. oil and vinegar.

They truly did love each other. All of the things that mirrored his insecurities she loved.

He seemed self-centered to others but to this self-centeredness shined a light on her insecurities, dimming them. She saw her worth in him. He was her mirror. She was him.

Her I don't deserves makes her want to protect him even more, possibly by leaving him.

His self-centeredness is surrounded by his success. He's reached heights, but still not the heights of others and that bothered him so he kept going for more to reach those levels it's nothing he wouldn't do, not even for her because although he had loved another all his life he had never loved another like he loved her. He loved her but his vision was clear. Until... the vision... he was working and working, more and more were coming and he was missing them left and right. He concluded that if he takes on too much he's going to mess things up and not to start that delivery system. He's been working on himself, healing, balancing the spiritual and earthly realm.

He accepts where he is in life... doing it all, titles. Moving fast, it's all he knows.

...now he allows partnership, releasing, slowing down, freedom, gain

the book, Temptation

3rd parties, maybe someone else is thinking the opposite that they are moving too slowly.

when all along she was hiding her burdens, the skeletons

releasing, transparency, truths, compromise

Right now is what I needed.

Right now.

think about it... the moment standing outside and making a wish upon a star under the moon

cosmos always traveling together uniting us no matter how far apart we are

constantly aligning us with the people we need when we need them

stars bound to each other, like a family

$200,000 minimum today I won $4 well yesterday's lottery

Honesty. Green Flag. New Deal. Acceptance.

Three years.

The # 3

Again. Everyone has to move at their own pace. The only thing holding you back is you.

What's holding you back? Get a new vision. Positivity.

...don't worry so much about the words, focus on the feelings

free yourself from words, say them

because if you say them or if you don't say them those feelings if they are true

remain the same

I love without being loved back, doesn't hurt because I love

I have the capacity in a world full of hate, to love

gives grace to the humble

He was overwhelmed, but he kept serving others.

Those moments are that in the past, that are from the past are behind you.

He said it can only get better from here.

I am thinking... and I lose my train of thought.

Freya said people lose mobility from pushing through pain.

I live a life of ease and joy.

Delusional but nevertheless she is stating facts.

Doing things inspired by a vision.

She wanted to separate, break up, he didn't but when he found "love" "first" she was mad when she was always his first love just not his last.

Who are we to question a person's truth? Feeling free from your truth? Be truth.

I guess my only access to trends were commercials and the sales papers, possibly peers in school and family members and their friends. Overall it was limited.

I am realizing how important a trend is - could you imagine if we set a trend on black love.

Black Love.

I can't think of a more romantic atmosphere.

Write your love story

matching crowns

tree of life fountain of life

land

left right

black white

over the top but subtle to us

arrogance confidence

natural compliment

intimate

black love if only a dream

until the end of time

generation after generation

coming together majority not the minority

we come together we come together making majority of the nation

black love black skin

let's raise bloodlines again and again

We don't need them they are just cards?

Right?!?!?

I wonder what happened to the blue dots.

When he pretended to be sheriff, he got what he wanted to be sheriff.

He released the cards. He released himself. As sheriff he had the key to let himself out of jail.

To break free. Mentally and Physically. Because not only did he move and positioned himself in places of doing something new, the moment he realized this, the moment he new knew he was free.

Look inside of yourself

He said - I mean, even if we look, we won't ever know, right? His potential

by why think like that? does God take us before we reach our full potential?

I get a text 6:34pm Donald Trump was shot no real damage tho.

1703

Burn Ritual

Love never dies

I have to read this book, The Big Door Prize.

It doesn't matter what I've done or didn't do. I am trying. I am trying to become closer to God. Closer to myself. The goddess within me. I'm learning to battle the devil. The demons that lay dormant inside of me. I'm learning to be free. I'm going after what I truly want. Today.

I'm not perfect.

269 Prepare Your Response

I do. or will I say I will?