no wrong turns

only turning right to God

I decided to go to shore and just

be

what if the fisherman didn’t listen to his wife

and listened to

himself

his intuition

what he knew to be true

he had enough

Today, February 15, 2025.

I've been trying to take my time and make sure I articulate my words but today well let’s go raw dog. The thoughts in my head, written in no particular order with typos

In my head

May 2016 I became the fisherman’s man.

I’m too stunned to speak.

The blue truck…

Choice vs. Experience.

2025, it's been in the last 5 years that God has been the head of my life. I could recite it but not mean it - I was never looking for Him to guide my path prior to then I was only looking for him to... be there, when I needed Him.

Nine of Swords.

I'm on overload. I think of everything, every situation as a what-if???? I curse my own life.

Queen of Pessimizing.

Why can't it just like happen

I ordered a pizza... not should I order a pizza? What kind should I get?

It's snowing. Order a pizza. You love pizza.

Weekends growing up. Pizza.

Once upon a time in Detroit, I really was living my fantasy, my fairytale

then it was high school

Crows. Death (reversed).

I'm reminded of why I think this way...

Train up a child.

You're always being taught.

You're always learning.

Praised for when you "do good".

Clapping. Songs. Celebrations.

Sibling.

Told "set an example".

Hearing you can't do for one if you don't do for the other.

Your first soul tie.

levels to this so many damn levels

when all we want is to be free

Free to me is

Knowledge. Wisdom. Discernment.

Abundance and Prosperity.

The mourning dove is looking in my window, now I hear his wings whistle away... I think of the bells resetting the energy. Now the cardinal is in the window looking at me. He's camera shy and flies right by, literally bye.

Far off... a red-bellied woodpecker.

Bluejay. Purple Finch. Cardinal. House Finch. House Sparrow, Black-Capped Chickadee.

I remember the story "you love Tikisha too much."

Balance.

but maybe not just for her but for me too

Siblings.

she was learning to balance her feminine nature

her nurturing nature

with more than just me

Psalms 23, her "plead the blood of Jesus"

You know why panic attacks come later in life?

me neither

but I suppose

it's because the older you get

in life experiences

the more your brain develops

the wiser you get

in life experiences

programed to be achievers... more and faster

growing up McDonald's was a treat now, it's well, what is it for you?

for me it's back to being a treat, not having a car them fries still hit

but at the same time it's not a treat

not like it was back then

the fisherman

I'm just a girl; certain this is my first time on earth because I'm too confused

understanding the impacts of my choices

I think so much where I believe

every choice I make is a test

I believe everything is spiritual but maybe, just maybe...

everything isn't a test

a test, a measurement of your worthiness

maybe God is saying it doesn’t matter what you decide Tikisha I have your back…

social media taught me comparison

I said - I thought I was rich ... and I reflect on the podcast and Denise Chandler's Still Smiling book...

I didn't act from a mind frame of scarcity as I do now. All my needs were met and we appeared to be in overflow.

So you know what I did - I flowed.

I have everything I need and I always get what I want...

then it hit me

the reward system

once again

Career: Mortgage Underwriter - Quality Control - Final Quality Control

the reward system fucked me up

where did this pressure come from that every decision, I made... would cost me my life?

I had to wonder why I think I need to do something for God in order to receive from God... what I want from God is love... His direction.

Why? I believe if I follow His will, what I truly believe He is speaking to me, not from someone else but directly to me, that I will have a fruitful life so I have to diligently seek Him and I think I have forgotten how to ask basic questions on my own.

Get the bbq chicken pizza.

I had to learn love.

I had to learn to love me.

love the act, emotions the feelings

material and spiritual

balancing realms

It's ok to want more

but

how is the more upgrading your life?

the fisherman's wife

expectations higher and higher

pause. reflection.

The devil couldn't reach me, so he left.

Finally.

Resist the devil and he will flee.

It's not on a grading scale. A choice is an experience.

An experience is your walk with God.

...you make a choice, but you talk to Him throughout the experience

so this is the future plans hoped for in Jeremiah 29:11

directing our life path

if you haven't read it before

The Brothers Grimm 99 Fairytales and start with The Fisherman and His Wife.