Chapter 48 aligned with Paul …dear diary

Brittine “He was my calm”

Denise “He is why I know that God loves me” “This is my boy like I don’t want to do life without him”

I just sit there like… wow. Their love is their peace. They are living proof of God’s love.

My calm is music and then I start thinking how do I know God loves me?!?!?!?!

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I could focus on what I don’t have a relationship, a love story, a “forever person.”

I want to believe in love. I really do...

Can I ever truly #BelieveItToSeeIt in my own life???

I wonder if it’s even real… not just the idea of love, but the kind that’s pure, lasting, and God ordained. I’ve seen too much of what the world calls love to trust it easily.

Love Didn’t Break Me. It Erased Me.

It didn’t shatter like glass. It disappeared like smoke.

Like I was never here. Like I never mattered.

It rewrote the story, left my name out, and kept going.

I was nothing more than an afterthought in a script I didn’t write.

It Held the Gun. I Pulled the Trigger.

Love whispered promises. I loaded the bullets.

It aimed at my heart. I didn’t flinch.

I handed it the power. I believed in the lie.

And when the shot rang out, I was the only one bleeding.

Love Didn’t End Me. It Never Existed.

I was chasing a shadow. Holding on to air.

I wasn’t abandoned. I was fooled.

Love was never real, just a well-dressed illusion.

A trick of the light. A mirage in the distance.

I reached for it, and my hands closed on nothing.

Paul “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.”

1 Corinthians 7:7

I have seen relationships where people are bound together by soul ties but not by love, where hearts are divided, and one person is left starving for the affection that should rightfully be theirs. I have seen people stay in relationships out of obligation, comfort, or fear rather than true connection. I have seen relationships where partners find spiritual connections with someone outside of the relationship. I have seen people endure pain in the name of love, mistaking control for care, mistaking fear for passion, and mistaking attachment for destiny.

So…

This Valentine’s Day, I won’t let the world tell me I’m missing something. If God has not given me a relationship, then He has given me protection. He has given me wholeness in Him. He has given me the freedom to love myself as He loves me, without the wounds that come from forcing something that was never meant to be.

I won’t let comparison steal my joy. I will walk confidently in the season God has given me, knowing that if and when He chooses to write my love story, it will be one of peace, of true connection, of His design not the world’s broken version of love.

Love is not magic.

It is not fate.

It is not written in the stars.

It does not complete me.

It does not save me.

It does not define me.

Love is a choice.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s a choice worth making.

Not because it’s perfect.

Not because it’s forever.

Not because it promises anything.

But because it is a reflection of something greater.

Love is not God but God is love.

And if love is real, it won’t be something that happens to me.

It won’t be a trick of timing, a twist of destiny, or a cosmic reward.

It won’t be a fairytale. It won’t be fate.

It won’t be luck.

It will be work. It will be war. It will be willful.

And until then, I am not waiting.

I am not wishing.

I am not empty.

I am not lost.

I am whole.

I am free.

I am enough.

With or without love.

Meanwhile… I want a fairytale.

Not the kind locked in castles or written in books.

Not the kind where love is the ending.

But the kind that happens in the wild

unexpected, untamed, alive.

Because after all… I am a Disney Princess.

Not the kind who waits, but the kind the wild calls to.

The kind who steps outside and finds herself in an Animal Kingdom, surrounded by messengers of something greater.

The creatures that find their way to me

uninvited, but never unwelcome.

Because maybe love isn’t something you chase.

Maybe it’s something that recognizes you.

Something drawn to you, like the wild things are.

Something that sees your soul and trusts it enough to come close.

Maybe I don’t need a prince.

Maybe I don’t need a grand love story.

Maybe I already have a kingdom.

Maybe love isn’t in the finding.

It’s in the knowing.

And even without it…

I am still the main character.

Tikisha